From the Heart of the Shepherd

From the bulletin for The Fourth Sunday of Easter (May 11)

Mothers, Fathers, and Shepherds, Oh my!

It is fun to philosophize about the mystery of man and woman and differences between  the sexes. Broad generalizations really are helpful. And dangerous. When I share such speculations, men tend to be intrigued and women offended. But there I go again with the generalizations! On Mother’s Day, with the recent election of a Holy Father, however, the man in me can’t help but wax philosophical. 

We human beings, like all forms of life, reach our maturity and perfection through parenting: through passing onto others the life we have received. Yet we do so in different ways. Men grow to perfection as fathers, women as mothers. As Christians, we understand that perfection means becoming more like God, the giver of all life. Therefore, it means maturation in life-giving love. What does it mean, therefore, for men to do that as fathers, and women as mothers? 

See what you think of this: in the plan of God, women (mothers) “specialize” in a love that accepts one as he or she is, whereas men (fathers) “specialize” in a love that pushes one to become what he or she can be. This shows itself, for example, in how two parents might evaluate their children’s performances, say at a t-ball game or in a piano recital.The mother considers her child’s work a masterpiece; she appreciates all the positive elements in her child’s accomplishment and gushes forth in words of praise. The father, in contrast, beholds the perfection that remains to be attained. He’s already talking about “the next time” and offering some “helpful feedback.” In philosophical terms, the mother’s strength is to love and appreciate our actuality; the father our potentiality. The primary object of her love is being; his, becoming.  Hence the stereotypes that for many mothers, their children can do no wrong (“my kid is the best!”), and that fathers can be hard to please (“but he can do even better!”). 

Of course, these are relative strengths, not absolute differences. Both men and women can and must love others (especially their children) in both “modes”: as they are, but mindful of what they can become. Fathers are not necessarily blind to their children’s good qualities, and women can be very sensitive to all that is lacking in their loved ones. But it just makes sense that God would ensure that both aspects are cared for in the family through the complementary natural tendencies of men and women, so that all are nourished and cherished, but also stimulated and challenged by those who love them most.  

This Sunday, we celebrate those women who have so especially known how to love us, warts and all, who have known how to see and love the good in us throughout our lives. Even, perhaps, when there was little to be seen (in the case of those of us who were ugly babies, difficult children, ungrateful teens, wayward adults, all of the above, etc.)! Thanks Mom! 

After the events of this past week, it’s also fitting to reflect on the role of the Holy Father in the Church. Called to govern the household of God on earth, the Pope has a special charism for stimulating the members of the Church in their engagement with the Christian life and mission. (Consider JPII visiting country after country and initiating conversions, vocations, and spiritual awakening.) Far from allowing it to remain where and as it is, the role of the chief shepherd is to lead God’s flock to a better place. Ultimately, to Heaven. May God almighty, “from whom every fatherhood on earth descends” stimulate Pope Leo XIV to do just that!

Good Shepherd Sunday is also a fine opportunity for me to reflect on my own shepherding. In these twenty two months as pastor, perhaps I’ve given the impression that my only concern is to push, push, push so that the parish (the mother of my priestly vocation!) can achieve its tremendous potential? Such is the father’s tendency, perhaps. But on this Mother’s Day, know also how much I love this parish just as it is. And especially all of you. You, my children, really are the best in the world!

From the Heart of the Shepherd: Third Sunday of Easter